Alice in Wonderland

I have written on the theme of airport security before, but it just seems to get more and more absurd. It makes me want to shake people and scream at them:

Have you all lost your minds?!! Terrorists are not going to be stopped by plastic bags!

And you only need a plastic bag to go through security. Once you are on the plane, you can take things out of the plastic bag and you are free to use them and even mix them together to create explosives.

On Friday night as I waited to check in for my flight to London, I noticed a coin-operated machine from which air passengers could purchase plastic bags. They don’t give anything away for free in Praha.

The check-in boy asked me if I had any liquids, creams or gels in my carry-on bag. Rather than answer that it was none of his business, which I am sure would have been considered suspicious behaviour and earned me an anal probe, I just lied.

And I lied twice on the way back. The check-in girl at Stansted asked me the same question, as did the man at security. “No,” I said, smiling sweetly, “nothing at all.” I set off the walk-through metal detector so I got felt up pretty thoroughly, which I always count as a bonus anyway. They did not open my bag.

As I continue to travel within Europe or even to The New Amerika, I will continue to lie and I will continue to carry liquids without putting them into plastic bags. I am not trying to be a rebel and I am not trying to undermine security efforts. I am simply refusing to participate in the sheer stupidity of the whole exercise.


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